Career Changes Cometh

As we all know at this point, one of the big end-game goals of the Growing Up After 30 initiative is the goal of shifting from a McJob, into a career I really care about.  In my particular case a career in the IT industry.  I started my trek by studying for, and passing, the CompTIA 220-801 and 220-802 for my A+ certification.  The theory being that a degree in computer science (like a lot of bachelor's degrees) is highly over-rated.  I figured that a few certifications, a little experience, and some good professional connections would be just as useful, if not more so.

The high cost of living (in a house)

This week's life improvement project has been working with a mortgage broker to get a pre-approval letter so we can start house hunting in earnest.  We've finished the initial application process, and we're waiting for the great and powerful Underwriters to send word to us through the kind and benevolent Mortgage Broker.

It's been a fascinating experience, and I've learned a huge amount about the process. For instance, I always thought that the biggest obstacle to home ownership was down-payment funds, or possibly your credit score.  It turns out that I was wrong entirely.

Things you can buy for $183.

I spent some time this evening taking practice tests for my first A+ certification exam, and I think it's time to schedule the first of two exams.  The exam vouchers run $183, and like most things in life, there's no guarantee.  I'm feeling pretty confident, but there's always the possibility that I've miss-judged, in which case I'm out $183.

In honor of the $183 I'll be parting with soon, I thought today would be a great day to look at a few of the other things a guy could get for $183.

(Side note to all friends and family members: This is not a birthday/Christmas list)

• A new video card.
• A box of 10 Don Carlos Robusto cigars
• 75 cups of espresso
• Dinner for 25 at Burger King
• An iPod nano, and still have $33 left to try and replace my soul
• Another tattoo, but not much left over to tip the artist
• The world's worst toupee
• Two $50 lap dances, plus $83 for pillows and blankets to make the couch I'd be sleeping on into a tollerably comfortable bed
• A short lived and pointless shopping spree to thinkgeek, Sharper Image, Brookstone, or Hammacher Schlemmer
• Dinner for 10 at a decent Chinese restaurant including a good tip
• 10-20 Sea-Monkey kits; also known as "enough brine shrimp muscle to take over the world"
• Of course, if I wanted to take over the world, why go with Sea-Monkeys when you can buy Uranium on Amazon?
• Speaking of Amazon, I could pick up a couple of these bad boys and never have to worry about a Cartman-style probe again.  One for home, one for the car, and I'd always know when one of those sneaky aliens was near by
• A speeding ticket
• Dinner for 3 at the most expensive restaurant I've ever eaten at
• I could walk past my wife's car.  Seriously folks, just walking past it.  That car either loves me and wants me to be close to it all the time, or it hates me and wants to watch me suffer up close. There is no third option here

There you have it folks, exam 1 of 2 for the Comptia A+ certification, or enough brine shrimp and uranium to create my own radioactive mutant brine shrimp army.

Forget about certifications, Pinky.  Tonight, we try to take over the world!

Real life gets in the way sometimes.

Over the years, I've developed a few phrases and quirks.  Things that I'll say, for lack of a better term, as catch phrases.  It's cheesy, I know, but it's not something I've ever done deliberately.  They just pop into my head, and then pop out of my mouth.  Think of it as cliché turrettes.  Some of them I've ripped off from books or movies, some I came up with on my own, and quite a few others, I couldn't honestly tell you where, when, or how they came about.

Shopping for things no man wants to buy.

There are many things in life that are unavoidable.  Death, taxes, and if you're a married man, buying feminine hygiene products.  That's right guys; sooner or later you're going to be sent to the store to buy pads.

Top 10 signs that you may be working in the wrong position

My apologies for this re-post. The blogger app for android leaves a lot to be desired and unposted this entry.

I think that we've fairly well established by now that I'm working in the wrong job.  That's fine for me, since I'm studying towards certifications for a better job, and generally working hard at improving my life.  So far that's all going according to plan, and there have been some interesting developments in other areas that will have to wait a little bit before they hit the blogosphere.

I've talked a good deal about what to do when you find yourself in the wrong job, but after a conversation I had with a coworker recently, I thought I'd share a few thoughts on just exactly how to tell when you're in the wrong job.

Co-Worker: Wow, Stephen, I need to get the !#$( out of here.  I can't believe you can fit this many stupid people in one building.

That was the opening comment from a coworker last week.  It was the end of her shift, and she'd simply had the same experiences at work one time too many.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is a solid indication that you're not only working in the wrong job for you, but that you've also been working there way too long.

She went on to rant (I do love a good soap box) about the attitudes of her subordinates, guests and employees asking stupid questions, lazy people, and the fact that she had finally come to realize that while she kind of likes her job, she hates her employees and the need to babysit them so much she's afraid she'll lose her mind if she stays here much longer.  I suggested a few books for her that were written by better authors than me, and we'll see how long it takes her to quit.

Folks, don't let a bad job go that far.  Take it from me and my first hand experience; not loving your job but being stuck in it for the next 6-12 months while you shift directions towards something better, Absolutely Sucks™.  Now she's right in the same spot that I am.  She can't just up and quit, because if you're even sort of a Grown Up™, then you know you can't just walk out on your job unless you've got another one lined up, or there's something going on that violates your values or puts you in danger.

With that in mind, allow me to share a list of early warning signs that you need to quit your job.  Think of this like one of Jeff Foxeworthy's, "You might be a redneck if..." lists, but for people in the wrong career.

You might need to find a new job if....

1. You regularly think, "Oh God, it's Monday,"  and/or, "Thank God it's Friday.
2. You've called in with a bad case of, "I'm not working today."
3. You've ever done a salary comparison between your current job and Panda Express.
4. When a coworker comes to tell you they've been fired, the first word out of your mouth is, "Congratulations!"
5. The end of the week office trip to the bar starts on Thursday at lunchtime because nobody can actually make it five days.
6. You've become convinced that many of your coworkers and/or employees who all seemed fine a year ago, have been replaced with mentally challenged, adolescent, space aliens wearing foam rubber people-suits.
7. Your Vice President of Human Resources has taken down the traditional motivation posters in his/her office and replaced them with these.
8. You regularly miss, "the good old days when I worked in fast food."
9. You've stopped crying at the sight of your tiny paycheck, but it hasn't gotten any bigger.
10. You've started a blog about how much your job sucks, and all the things you're doing to find a better one.

Bad habbits

I started smoking cigars when I was 15 years old.

Mostly macanudos, but the occasional natural as well.  When I was 19 or so, I also started smoking pipe tobacco (apparently, at 5'5" and overweight I didn't look enough like a hobbit)  The funny part was that the first time I was ever carded I was 23 years old....

It's time to study.

The day after my wife and I got home from our anniversary, my study materials for the Comptia A+ certification exam were delivered by FedEx. (hence the lack of make-up post) They actually tried to deliver them the day we arrived, but as usual, they tried to deliver when nobody was home so I just got a 'sorry we missed you' slip.  I'll skip that particular rant for now...

In any case, I've spent much of my free time since then studying for the Comptia A+, and I've come to a number of conclusions.

50 Shades of Gr... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

As an update to my process of getting my career back on track, I've ordered study and practice test materials for the Comptia A+ certification, which I believe to be a reasonable way to begin making my way into the IT industry.  However, since there's little for me to do in that regard for the next couple of days (other than stalking the mail man) I have some thoughts of a more literary and entertaining nature to share.

Just say no.

It's not just a drug awareness slogan, it's a sign of maturity.

Unfortunately, it's one my wife and I are having to practice a lot right now.

Yes, it is your fault.

I used to have a roommate who had just split with the woman he'd been shacking up with. (there's that term again)  At the time, I was just starting to pull myself up out of divorce.  

As you can imagine, we weren't exactly the dynamic duo.  The only time the townhouse got cleaned properly was when one of us had a date; and to be perfectly honest, that didn't happen much.

Gossip pants.

Sometimes it seems that work, family, hobbies, and maintaining your health are just not enough to keep a person busy.  We look around at our spotless home, our finished work, our already fully assembled scale model of the Death Star and think to ourselves, "Wow, if only I had something else to occupy my time and energy, because this certainly isn't enough to keep me busy."

The solution is a simple one:

Gossip™

Get your butt to work.

People need to get their butts to work.

I'm not talking about job hunting here, although that's a great topic.  What I'm talking about is something a lot more basic.

When you have a job, go to your job.  Go there every day.  Go there on time or early.  Actually work while you're there.  You'd think that such a statement would be obvious; but you'd be wrong.

Making people change.

Everyone knows that you can't make a person change.  You can support people.  Provide inspiration and motivation.  You can set an example and encourage people to follow your lead; but at the end of the day, each person has to do their own heavy lifting. (some of use more than others)

Growing up doesn't happen every day.

Growing up can't happen every day, and unfortunately, neither can a blog about it.

If you're really working on getting your life moving in the right direction, you have to spend a lot of time and energy focusing on that, and limit the time you spend on hobbies.  To that end, Growing Up After 30 will be moving to a weekly release.  Starting June 3rd, you should see a new blog every Monday, so keep checking back.

For those of you who don't want to miss a post, there are some handy subscription options on the right side of the page.  You can follow me on Google+, subscribe using several popular online news aggregaters, or just subscribe to be notified by email when a new post lands.

I may occasionally let a nugget of wisdom slip out in between, but a steady release schedule should work well for all.

How to get better mileage and more performance.

A strange thing started happening on my commute to work this week.

Without so much as lifting the hood, my little red corolla was suddenly getting better gas mileage.  It even seemed to have better performance.  I was passing Porches and careening past Cadillacs.

The secret is actually pretty simple.

I wasn't towing a car loan anymore.

Make a plan, and make it loose.

Dwight D. Eisenhower once said, "In preparing for battle i have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable."


I've mentioned plans quite a bit lately.  My own plans, what makes a reasonable plan, and so on.  Today, I'd like to dig a little deeper into that subject.

It's okay to admit that you're not satisfied.

A couple of days after I started this blog, something completely unexpected happened. I'd just asked my wife to review a draft of a post, which I could tell she actually liked because she was still laughing when I left the room.  After I asked a few questions, and wheedled some more feedback out of her, she looked at me with her Serious Face™.  (if you're married, you know the one I'm talking about)  She looked at me, and she asked very quietly, "are you really that unhappy with your life?"

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I think we've probably all heard the old joke that goes - Why are people always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up?

They're looking for ideas.


The very fact that we can laugh at, and relate to, such a joke tells me there are a lot of us who should have grown up a long time ago; who are still looking for what we want to be when we Grow Up™.

A little success makes everything else suck.

Stop and think about the last time you had a win that was centered on one specific area of your life.  Maybe you got a promotion at work.  Maybe you met a new girlfriend.  Maybe you lost 5 pounds.

Yay for you.

Did that make it easier, or harder, to tolerate the stuff that was still in your lose column?  Sure, it made it all easier, for about a day.  But if you're anything like me, it probably made it all a lot harder after a little while if your win turned out to be a Real Win™ and not just a nice moment that gained you nothing in the long run.