Monday, September 9, 2013

Butt-Wings

No, you didn't misread the title.  Don't worry, I'll explain.


Today began with one of those nice little Wins™ that we all need once in a while.  Last week I mentioned a string of headaches that among other (and more important) examples, included some excessive auto repairs.

After experiencing the worst customer service I have ever encountered in my life at Capitol Toyota in Salem (I'll tell you all about that later, maybe next week), I took my car over to McMinnville Toyota, about 40 minutes away, to have the ECM (engine computer) replaced.  They were not only friendly and helpful, but they were able cover the repair under a recall that 'sort of' applied to my situation, so the thousand dollars or so I'd planned on dumping under the hood of my car, ended up only being $47 for some routine maintenance that I was due for anyway.

In honor of all the money we didn't have to spend on the car, I took my wife shopping.  (Remember, gentlemen, happy wife = happy life)

All that is really just the set up, so that I can tell you about the total collapse of human society which I saw today at the mall.

I think, at this point, most of us have seen the horrible, tacky, poorly done angel wing tattoos that some young women (I'm using that term loosely (in case you missed it, that was a pun)) seem to think look good.  If you're not familiar with that particular social meme, let me explain.

Imagine glorious flowing white swan wings.  The kind of wings you might see on an angel in a beautiful stained glass window or classical painting.

Then shrink them until they fit on a 22 year old girl's back.

Then remove all depth and beauty.

Then make them flesh colored and outlined in black.

Then flatten them and wrap them around a 22 year old girl's back so that you can only tell they're supposed to be wings if she's completely topless, and even then you can only see part of them.

They go into the tattoo parlor asking for something from the Sistine Chapel, and they come out with something like this:


I can hear the objections already.  "But, Stephen, you promised to tell me about the total collapse of human society.  Angel wing tattoos are tacky, but they've been around (that was another pun) and society hasn't collapsed yet."

Well my friend, you're right.  Like yoga pants that say, juicy, hot, sexy (or anything else for that matter) across the butt, they may be tacky, but they're not a sign that we're circling the drain.

These however, may be the end of the game for homo sapiens.



That's right.  Two of the tackiest styles in human history, angel wing tattoos and yoga pants with slogans on the butt have been combined.

We now have butt-wing pants, and that my friends, is game over.